If God Could Talk

an essay on the rare gift of humanity

I intended to write a 2024 recap, 2025 vision breakdown, some learning lessons or lists or blah blah blah during this solo nature retreat I took myself on in South Africa. But I couldn’t. Nothing electrified me enough to write about it.

I took some shrooms yesterday, hit a rockpool, and came face to face with a wild baboon. A range of emotions hit me. So did a memory.

Somewhere buried in a little orange notebook I got at the Museum of Broken Relationships in Zagreb, Croatia, I wrote an essay about God. I never write about God. I’m not even 100% sure of my relationship with God. But I remember writing a LOT about God. I fished out my notebook and found the essay.

I wrote this exactly 2 years ago in January 2023 — I know exactly why it came to me today. I needed to transcribe it and read it again because these words were meant for me as much as everyone else. I cried three times as I typed it out. Because I felt the plates of my inner world shift.

I hope you sprout, bloom or explode after reading it too:

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If God Could Talk

“When I created this planet, I wanted only humans specifically to feel everything - emotions, textures, experiences, so I gave them, and only them, the gift of conscious communication and humanity.

I wanted them to be able to evoke emotion from one another. I knew some things would hurt and be painful, but I put so much beauty on the planet and gave their bodies the ability to heal. I put every texture in nature - water, fire, air, soft, hard, bumpy, sharp, bubbly, gooey, rough, silky, crunchy, scaly, rubbery, furry and more. I put them in nature first and watched the humans mimic through things they built or cooked.

I knew they’d start creating when they figured out their knowledge, wisdom, and resourcefulness. They used some of the same materials to create in the external world that I put inside their bodies - bones, porcelain, flesh, blood, water, oxygen, cartilage, cells and more.

And I gave them all these senses - vision, hearing, touch, smell and taste so they could experience all the bounty I put on earth for them.

I even gave them the ability to communicate without speaking - kisses, hugs, holding hands, cuddling, eye gazing.

I gave them all these talents, gifts, emotions and earth to experience. I put different climates and environments everywhere — jungles, forests, beaches, mountains, deserts, plains and more so they could feel a range of weather on their skin. Sun, wind, snow. Harsh, soft, serene.

I knew they’d always be fine. Because they could swim, hike, run, jump, dance, sing, perform, study, teach, educate, entertain, inspire, meditate, play and use these skills to help each other.

All humans wouldn’t be born the same. I needed variety to see how’d they use all their wisdom, talent and empathy to support each other. Some wouldn’t have all the senses, same skin color, cognitive abilities, or access to resources as others.

They all wouldn’t speak the same and would need to learn how to communicate with others. This was intentional; I wanted to see them put all their skills, spirits, and brains together to come up with solutions to live in harmony.

I put hidden materials all over that they’d have to learn how to find like a scavenger hunt. Some in the sky, some underground, some invisible. They’d use the intelligence I gave them to make these discoveries and create new material, like electricity, flights, and boats, and gems, stones and jewels. In the process, they’d learn how to collaborate and communicate.

I figured those with more resources would understand they had more, and would help those who didn’t so they could live in harmony. Their skills would complement each other.

I also put other living creatures on earth for them to engage with called animals. These creatures wouldn’t have the same communication abilities, but I gave them different tactics to engage - hunting, flying, spraying, diving, squirting, swimming, sprinting and even the ability to change colors!

I knew humans and animals would share the same earth, so they’d need to learn how to exchange non-verbally.

I did this again with human babies. I made them the most dependent on their caregivers so humans could be tested in their ability to care and nurture.

This was my intent with the animals too, but I needed the babies to be cut from the same cloth as humans. I knew it would create more of a bond.

The babies would go through a longer process to become independent from their nurturers and this was yet again, intentional. I wanted them to slow down (the nurturers) and learn how to listen to the human body: cries, looks, touches, squeezes, hugs, kisses, screams, giggles and more.

The adults needed to learn how to turn down the noise in their head and tune into their natural instincts. I called this “intuition” and learned some decided to call it “gut feelings” - those humans, so clever!

That was a delight - it was a bodily cue and I gave them many cues and they’d learn a lot of them by interacting with babies, and animals out in nature.

Some people wouldn’t learn or feel that way. Some would learn about the world through an emotion called heartbreak. Heartbreak was the most confusing emotion for humans. They thought they were wired to be happy. They constantly chased happiness. Constantly. They were obsessed.

They studied it, pursued it, researched it and breathed it. It was an endless blackhole for many of their lives. When heartbreak struck, they didn’t know how to process it.

There was no ceremony or ritual or celebration or sacredness around the breaking of a heart. There was no time to grieve because they kept confusing grief with physical death - reserved to feel only when someone transitioned to the afterlife. The pain was immense for many of them and some even died from heartbreak when their beloved passed on.

Image source: @dreammcollage

They couldn’t bear the weight of the world without the other person’s laugh, energy, smile or love. I created heartbreak so humans could figure out the community element of consciousness I provided them. How friendships and family and even strangers will catch you when you fall.

I wanted them to realize happiness wasn’t the ultimate goal. Sure, it was a great feeling. But love and helping one another was the paramount purpose.

Love wasn’t reserved for romantic pursuits only. It was built within family dynamics, friendships and more. I made love confusing so humans would spend most of their time figuring it out. It was that important - time needed to be spent on this topic, a lot of it.

I wanted them to realize you could fall in love with someone from afar. I also wanted them to try and see all the dynamics I created. Love could be monogamous, polyamorous, interracial, international - it had no bounds, limits or ceilings. Some people figured this out early and some spent their lives trying to understand the point.

Some thought love only existed to create families. Some thought it was to devote themselves to their partner. Some thought you should have as many love stories as possible. It was beautiful and heartbreaking to watch on my end as well. Because some people started to think about something I never even considered: that they weren’t good enough. I was shocked and speechless when I found this out.

I couldn’t believe with all my power, creativity, visions and energy I put into creating this species that they truly thought they were not “good enough”… how could that be?! I put entire GALAXIES inside each one of them!

Image source: NASA

How could they actually take that on as a belief, one that would control many of their minds, for long periods of time?

It was an oversight on my end - a glitch. It didn’t make sense and I wondered how I missed this.

I realized this happened because they did something I also never thought they would do: compare themselves to their own kind. Imagine that!

I made SO many of them in so many shapes, sizes, colors and variations so they could see my vision and power. There was no limit to how they could combine, procreate, live, or be in community. They were meant to help each other out with all the different resources I gave them.

I placed them in various parts of the world, with different climates, languages, and systems. They had so much power, freedom, and intellect to build, create, and harmonize together.

The vision I had in my mind partially came true when they created and discovered things I never imagined - electricity, planes, skyscrapers, medicine, art, pottery, marijuana, ayahuasca, and so much more. They shared it with the world and blew me away; I couldn’t wait to see what else they’d uncover.

But that damned detrimental trait of comparison came up in every century of humanity. It wasn’t an isolated incident.

Writers wouldn’t publish books because they feared what other people would think, which perplexed me because they wrote about their own human experience! I thought they wrote to connect with other people; why they all sat on their manuscripts and work puzzled me.

It was their ultimate craving to find deep, human connection throughout their whole life, but they suffocated when they assumed what other people thought of them (which was really what they thought about themselves, I later realized).

The most fascinating part? The same people they’d compare themselves to, the ones whose opinions they gave way too much weight to — those people quietly admired the worrier’s work. Wires kept getting crossed like this - I thought it was the biggest error I made.

I wanted them to all learn from each other and rise together. I still do.

I now realize many of them will spend their entire existence trying to figure life out. Is it to be happy? What does that mean? Because where they live, who they’re with, and what sky they live under all mean different things. Is it to be successful? In what way? Monetarily? In relationships? In the amount of space and free time they have?

I’ve seen these questions floating all around earth. I don’t want to hand over the answers. Because there is no right one. In my creation of humanity, I forgot the most important part - they need to figure things out themselves. It will give them purpose, focus, a North Star.

I hope when they look up at the blue sky, or hear the chirping of birds, or crashing of ocean waves, they know it’s me. I’m always around, always there, always supporting them. I won’t ever leave.

I can’t (and won’t) speak to you in physical words, but everything you see around you that makes you feel and think - that’s me. Every sound, sign, sunset, and sunrise, consider it my wink to you. Reach out and let me hold your hand.”

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Thank you for reading my writing, I’m grateful you’re here.

P.S. I decided that for Q1 of 2025 (Jan - March), my Substack will operate on a patron model. If my work makes you feel a certain way, provoke a certain thought, or smile on the inside (hopefully outside too), you can support it financially by subscribing for just $5/mo or $50/year. The pressure of exclusive paid benefits like subscriber-only comments, chats, bonus content etc. is against the ethos of why I started Slight Turbulence, which was to experiment with my writing.

My 2025 word of the year is UNBOUND, and I refuse to be bound to any expectations I set with a paywall. The only paywalled content you’ll see in Q1 is if I want it to remain semi-private (knowing damn well the irony of that statement - is anything on the internet private??). If you can’t support financially or don’t feel ready, but enjoyed this post, please share this on Substack Notes, in your group chat, newsletter - anything helps and us micro-creators gotta stick together <3