Babygirl movie review
with a submissive kink myself, I left wanting more
In my past life, I was a film critic. But in this lifetime, I’m a 90’s baby with a Substack — I can do whatever I want on the internet. Today, I want to review Babygirl.
SPOILERS AHEAD! Seriously - I break down the entire movie.
As someone with a degradation/humiliation kink myself, I couldn’t wait to watch this erotic thriller. The sizzling trailer makes you squirm - the whisper of “good girl” after she downs a glass of milk she didn’t order, the cookie comment, the Pavlov’s Dog bell (genius)… it was the only thing I was looking forward to this week (on Christmas week, nonetheless).
I grabbed my girl gang, ordered disgustingly salty popcorn, and sat down in my seat, thirsty AF for this movie. I left feeling like I got to take a sip of someone’s water bottle after hiking for 4 hours in a desert, not slurp from the thirst-quenching garden hose I was expecting.
When I saw the trailer for Babygirl, I couldn’t wait to relate to the main character - Romy.
The movie opens with Romy (Nicole Kidman), having sex with her husband, Jacob (Antonio Banderas). She seems satisfied, reaching orgasm, but we quickly learn that’s not the case, as she sneaks into a room later that evening to masturbate to porn that falls in the dom/sub category. I’m excited - it’s my fave genre.
We quickly learn Romy has the entire American Dream in tact - the sexy, emotional, present husband, two daughters (with the older one being more rebellious), the power position of CEO at a modern tech company. Two homes - one in the city, one in suburbia. But as we all know - stability isn’t sexy or dangerous or fun in the modern world.
On the way to work, Romy is startled by a German Shepard acting out of control on the sidewalk. She freezes, and a guy on the street ends up calming him down with natural ease. It turns out, that guy is Samuel (Harris Dickinson), an intern at her company that she’ll end up “mentoring” later.
She bumps into him in the office, and asks how he got the dog to calm down. He says a cookie… then proceeds to ask if she wants one. It’s our first glimpse of Samuel’s boundary-pushing, and the first pang of excitement I get of what he’s going to do to her later…
What I love about Samuel is his boyish charm. The casting team nailed the young guy haircut, the non-eloquent, slower speech, the stature of him (he’s very tall), the “intern outfit” with a paisley tie and classic blue collard shirt. He doesn’t present physically as your classic bad boy - it’s what comes out of this mouth that makes him right for the job.
In one scene, Romy meets all the interns and Samuel asks a provoking question, which prompts her team member Esme (Sophie Wilde) to escort them all out, apologize for his behavior, and even sheepishly ask if she should get rid of him. Romy says no, it’s fine - her interest is piqued by his bravado.
In the first hour, tension builds up, which I appreciate. It’s a disservice to the viewer when we bypass all the necessary strokes, touches, and whispers that build desire. Kidman was in another “older woman/younger guy” trope earlier this year (A Family Affair with Zac Efron), which was so badly American in its cheese factor, as they jump from “talking on the couch” to Efron gently kissing her hand just a few moments later, proceeding to having deep, intense feelings for each other after 3 sentences at dinner - it doesn’t add up.
The tension in Babygirl adds up.
Romy finds Samuel’s tie on the floor after a company Christmas party, and starts fantasizing about him, smelling it deeply, slowly, and even tasting it.
In a post-work happy hour, Samuel sends a glass of milk to her table unexpectedly. She never asked for it. They lock eyes, and she downs it in a few gulps. Later that evening, as she’s packing up, he walks by her and whispers the tingly “good girl” line we all know and love in the trailer.
The audience in my theater squealed and gasped in excitement. We were ready for the climax.
Through a few more dialogue scenes, we learn Romy is in therapy (looks like EMDR?), her name was given to her by a guru and she was part of a commune or cult — literally the only mention of this in the entire movie — and that she has flashbacks to something in her childhood, though we can’t tell what. The soundtrack and pacing of her self-improvement journey adds even more to the tension - when will she crack?
In a 1:1 meeting that she “regretfully” takes with Samuel, you can feel the dry heat in the room. Samuel keeps pushing her boundaries, and while she wants to give in, she’s still a powerful CEO, twice his age, and has a beautiful family and life at stake. What’s at stake actually becomes the overpowering message of this movie - what is she willing to risk and how close to losing it all does she have to be to feel satiated?
As she gets up to end the meeting, Samuel stumbles around to shut the door and prompts her to stay. Tension hangs in the air as they eye each other - who’s going to bite the forbidden fruit first? Romy leans in for a kiss - Samuel pulls away, asserting his dominance. Only he decides when they kiss. Eventually, they do, and Romy snaps out of it - she cannot do this in her own office with a young intern. She briskly leaves, but we get the feeling she wants more.
Throughout this build up, we learn more about Romy’s family. Jacob is a successful (seems like it at least?) playwright or director on Broadway. He initiates sex with presence and emotion. She tries to suggest a different, more BDSM way of having sex - like watching porn together or him touching her while her face is under a pillow - but they never get there, leaving her unsatisfied and resentful.
Her oldest daughter is queer and in a relationship, but gets caught sneaking around in their suburban pool with a neighbor, stating “she’s in love with Mary but just having fun with Ophelia” - a very (annoyingly) obvious line that shows how much her and her daughter are alike. The youngest daughter is sweet, energetic and kinda just… there. Her employees respect her, and Esme is a dedicated worker, eager to discuss her promotion.
From my own experience with writing and creating, character development is one of the most important ingredients in storytelling - you want to get into the minds of each character and understand their desires, motives, fears and ticks. You want to relate to them so you can root for them - to either win or learn a lesson - even if it’s done in an ugly, unforgivable or immoral way. All this context is helpful so we can understand why Romy ends up in a “disgusting” hotel room with Samuel, eventually giving in to her urges.
She tries to resist, almost walking out, then sprints back into the room to passionately kiss him, which he doesn’t return. He doesn’t want romance - he wants domination and power. Eventually, Romy submits and lets her fantasy unravel.
She gets on all fours and eats a cookie out of his hand like a dog and spits it back out. She lets him explore her body and touch her to orgasm without even making eye contact. It’s in this scene where we see Romy get what she wants but shame overcomes her; she sobs after and collapses into Samuel’s arms.
I relate to this. As someone who grew up in a household with phrases like “why buy the milk when he can get the cow for free?”, I’ve felt shame and guilt around sex with someone who’s not my exclusive committed partner, and felt even more confused when I found out one of my biggest turn ons was degradation talk and being submissive. I appreciate kinky sex, and when you’re doing it with someone you’re not romantic with, you may leave the encounter feeling exposed, guilt or dirty — especially with a Catholic-raised mother. I didn’t grow up Catholic, but feel it through osmosis from my mom’s side of the family.
I also am a founder, CEO (albeit to a much smaller company) and driven by ambition and success. It feels good to be told what to do and not make any decisions or call the shots. This is a common kink for powerful women, but we’d never admit it because we’re trying to smash the patriarchy in public. Behind closed doors, we want to be babygirl.
Romy wants to be babygirl too; her desires wash over her. Their tryst continues through a montage of office affairs in the bathroom, outside, and in the dimly lit hotel room. The hottest scene? When Romy licks milk off a plate on the floor like a dog, and Samuel licks it off her face. WHEW - classify under “try this soon.”
We’d never admit it because we’re trying to smash the patriarchy in public. Behind closed doors, we want to be babygirl.
Throughout, we see her grapple with her decisions, often trying to “set boundaries” and tell Samuel she doesn’t want to hurt him because he’s so young. He cockily reminds her he could make one phone call and destroy everything she’s worked for - which turns her on even more.
One day - Samuel shows up to her house to return the laptop she left at the office, which seems like an excuse to test her boundaries. This is where I thought the “thriller” piece of the movie would come in. If I were to write this, I’d insert a scene where her moral compass kicks in and she’d “have a talk” with him upstairs or outside, but her repressed side would unleash and they’d have a sneaky feel while her family is just around the corner - maybe a slip of the hand up her dress, a quick choke and makeout up against the will or even a quickie in the bathroom. I wanted to see Romy put even more at stake, because the script keeps suggesting this is the bigger kink - losing it all. That never happened.
Instead, she talks to him in the car, saying he can never show up around her family again, and now she’s back in control - locking the car doors and lecturing him. His power is gone, and he has an outburst. The dynamic shifts.
She wants their cat-and-mouse energy back, and plays with fire - showing up to the bar he works at to talk to him. He doesn’t entertain her attempt and has another bartender kick her out. Embarrassed, she sheepishly walks out. Who’s in charge now?
Eventually, they’re back on, sneaking around but… without the fervid eroticism I expected. We actually never see Samuel naked, or licking anything other than her face during the hot milk scene. No slow closeups of teasing, or squeezing, pinching, scratching…. There is much left up to the imagination of the viewer, which as a movie billed as “erotic thriller” is disappointing.
Or maybe that’s because I have this kink myself - I selfishly wanted more. Where is his work tie, that he could tie her up with, or blindfold her? Where is the choking that they could push to the edge until she tapped out, gasping for air? Where’s the spitting in the mouth? The counting her down to orgasm and demanding she doesn’t come until he says so?
What’s even more interesting is their safe word is Jacob (her husband’s name), but there aren’t any scenes that indicate she’d need to use that because they never push the envelope to that level of danger - just submissive, like a pet. Even more confusing? Jacob seems like a certified freak. He was open to trying things with her. He grabs her face with assertiveness when they kiss. He even kisses her through a sheet over her head. He’s open-minded. As a viewer, it’s hard to believe Romy is aching to be dominated when her own husband carries that energy. Samuel is supposed to be this stark contrast to her “normal life”, but I just can’t get behind the idea that he’s superior to Jacob sexually.
As we wait to see if they get caught, we learn Samuel is casually seeing Esme - Romy’s subordinate. Another power dynamic shifts. Romy ignites with jealousy, and keeps pushing off the promotion discussion as she’s so distracted by her affair.
She continues to descend, unsure if she should go left or right; afraid of losing Samuel to Esme (and maybe even embarrassed by the potential loss?), she leans in further, meeting him at a nightclub, where she could easily be seen by anyone in the public eye. This is her in her most liberated state - free, in public, kissing Samuel in a sweaty, techno venue where any other interns or young professionals at the company could be.
Again, as a thriller, it’s shocking no one even catches a glimpse of them at the office or at this club. Or that her family members don’t see her texts from Samuel or question why she’s pulling all nighters at the office. Her family is present, and we finally see this when her older daughter Isabel waits up for her one night, after the club scene, and asks if she’s okay. We sense she knows something is going on more than meets the eye, but this conversation never gets explored.
Romy’s fork in the road comes when Esme finally confronts her. She knows what’s going on with Samuel, and basically blackmails Romy into promoting her, starting a women’s mentoring program at the company, and stating Romy will never see him again.
Romy starts to panic, and in this breakdown, we see her inner world crumble to pieces. Her flashbacks pick up, her emotions well up and spill over and as she’s processing, Jacob comes in the room, trying to understand what’s going on. Through a tearful confession (and ironically, lie), she admits she’s had dark thoughts and fantasies since she was a child and has been trying to understand through different therapies why this is happening. She blubbers / confesses that a man she met has fulfilled these needs (just once…) and Jacob lashes out. She’s ruined the one thing they’ve built so beautifully together - their family. Antonio Banderas’ acting is next level - his fiery rage and sadness are palpable as he demands she leaves the house.
Cut to her sulking and spiraling alone in their suburban home. Cigarettes, takeaway boxes, unruly hair. She’s lost control. Of her family, work life, and even her affair.
That is until she sees Samuel swimming in her pool. This part confused me - did she text him to come see her? Did he just drive to her second home? I guess this is left to the viewer, but it was just a little “too good to be true moment” which I do not appreciate in a thriller. THINGS LIKE THIS DON’T JUST HAPPEN! I want to be able to relate to this movie, and when shit like this happens, I can’t help but roll my eyes.
For Romy, she’s now a woman who’s lost control of everything and a shell of herself; Samuel is a salve. At least somebody is around to catch her while she falls. They have another little steamy moment in the pool, and then go back inside to talk and recalibrate.
As they’re talking, we see Jacob’s shadow in the hallway. Finally - the thriller piece is here! Or so I thought… she’s caught red-handed talking to Samuel emotionally. Panic immediately sets in - for both her and the viewers.
Jacob realizes her intern is her secret affair, and him and Samuel start to physically fight. After some punches, shoves, and swings, they cut to Romy bringing them both ice packs while they lick their wounds in the living room together. Wait, what?
This is where the movie falls flat again. In a thriller, something usually really bad happens to the point of no return. A severe injury, (maybe even death?), a life-altering consequence (divorce, estranged relationships), a devastating outcome (a lost job, a demotion, etc)… but in Babygirl, Samuel gets off pretty scot-free, as does Romy. Jacob nearly has a heart attack…but doesn’t. Romy seems to be iced out of her family… but isn’t, at least not for long. Her teenage daughter tells her to come home, and after a less than 1 min scene coming to Jacob’s theater to talk it out, they’re back on. Samuel doesn’t lose anything - we don’t see him again. We just know he took an opportunity in Tokyo. Esme gets the promotion. Romy comes back even more assertive in her CEO position, and Jacob and her now explore her darkness together - to be honest, it’s a happy ending I didn’t want.
In a YouTube Short, Kidman says the film is about “secrets, marriage, sex, liberation” and goes on and on and onnnn with adjectives - which is how the movie felt. It seemed like it was trying to be 10 things in one, and never lands on a strong viewpoint, and instead mashes a ton together to try to hit them all on a surface level versus one with depth.
We never learn where Samuel got his arrogance from - an intern with his sexual confidence surely has some life experience that made him this way - but his past never comes up. In one scene, he asks Romy to give him therapy “again”, hinting they’ve talked about his inner world before. He also asks her to hold him, showing he doesn’t always want to dominate. But we never understand why. What circumstances led him to be this way?
Absolutely nothing comes up again about Romy’s past - no flashbacks of any cult leaders or deranged family members or abuse. The mother/daughter dynamic between her and Isabel - the one who’s most sensitive to her mom’s emotional state - never gets explored.
Even Jacob forgiving her is severely glossed over. We felt his deep pain of betrayal when he kicked her out, but that same heart-arching tug doesn’t happen for their reunion.
I’m not screenwriter, but if this were my movie, I would’ve picked one of those lanes to explore and excavated as deep as possible to find the gold.
There is a constant beat around losing everything, but no one loses much, if anything at all.
Instead, everyone seems to win with quite minimal, short-lived consequences. Maybe that’s the message - people in power can truly get what they want with little backlash? Or maybe it’s not that deep and was meant to be a sexy little holiday film to get the girlies excited about smut and fantasy and being a sub, or feel sexually liberated. Don’t get me wrong - I’d love to be Samuel’s babygirl but my flavor has a little more kick and spice to it - this version is a bit more French vanilla.
What did you think of Babygirl??
P.S. Harris Dickinson is one of my favorite actors. I fell in love with him in Scrapper, and just watched Triangle of Sadness last week. Beach Rats is next on my list, and I will continue to be an avid consumer of his work. This unsolicited, unpaid review is something I wanted to explore and share as I love what films and cinema do to our psyche.
P.P.S. You can learn more about my own kink behind the paywall - the details are too risqué to post publicly, so upgrade for just $5/mo or $50/year to get the goods)….
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